Help!  I am drowning in tomatoes in my own home.  My own home where I don’t even grow tomatoes.  My own home where I rarely even buy tomatoes at the grocery stores.

Anyone out there who wants fresh fruit and vegetables, become friends with my parents.  Apparently their number one goal in retirement is to outgrow the entire small town they live in.  Back in July they bombarded me with yellow squash.  I love yellow squash, but when I receive 10+ pounds of yellow squash I feel a little overwhelmed.  How in the world are B and I suppose to eat 10+ pounds in a week?  Sadly, we didn’t accomplish that goal so this time I am coming to the internet for help.

Internet, can you tell me how to use 10+ pounds of tomatoes by Friday?

Ok, so maybe it is not 10+ pounds, but I think it started around there.  I added tomatoes to everything I could think of over the weekend.

Anyone have a great recipe or idea to share with me?  If you say can them I will ban you from this blog.  I don’t can and apparently that is the solution to everything.

I am looking for a great recipe that uses tons of tomatoes.  The catch is it has to be fairly easy to make and it can only require ingredients that I can find.  Or spell.  Am I making this hard enough for you?

Maybe I should just say anyone who wants free homegrown tomatoes, come and get them!  I don’t think I will ever figure out what to do with these by Friday.

Well sort of.  I did “cook.”  Just probably not a meal that should be served without picky toddlers in the house.  I probably shouldn’t admit it is a regular staple around here.  Heh.  Blame my mom, she taught me how to make this when I was a kid.  Call it my specialty.

The curiosity is killing you isn’t it?

Oh yeah.  That’s right.  Mac and cheese with pigs in a blanket.  Totally counts as a home cooked meal, right?

Let’s talk more about party food.  Seeing as how I ate an entire bowl of guacamole for dinner last night, just because I had the avocados available, party food is still on my mind.  Specifically dip.

At the Girls Gone Wild party last weekend, I was crowned the Dip Queen.  I can make a mad 7 layer dip and a mean guacamole.  Add B’s salsa into the mix and we have a pretty strong arsenal of dip.

I added two new recipes into the mix recently and those two additions are what earned me my queen title.

One was a corn, black bean, avocado mixture that was awesome.  I am sure most of you have had something similar before, but this was my first time making it.  And since I couldn’t find a recipe that made it simple enough for me, I combine about five recipes together, thus making it my own.  Being lazy and not the world’s best cook paid off!

Dip #2 was what really clinched the title and I owe it to my mother.  First, let’s look at Dip #2.

Doesn’t look like anything special right?  That is why I am the Dip Queen and you are not.  It is freaking special!  So special I don’t know if I should even tell you about it.  Just kidding.  I will tell you.

You see, my parents moved out of the suburbs of Dallas a few years back to live on a ranch.  Seeing as how they are retired and lived in Dallas for the last 40 years, ranching isn’t exactly what they are doing on their ranch.  What they are doing is growing vegetables.  Knowing someone with an awesome garden is, well, awesome!  I reap the benefits without having to do the work.  Last week B and I lived off of yellow squash.  Fresh from the garden, yellow squash.  You jealous yet?  No, ok, fresh from the garden, FREE, yellow squash.  Better?

My parents’ garden also has an abundance of jalapenos this summer.  This has forced my mom to get creative with ways to use jalapenos, which brings me to jalapeno jelly, also know as how to get crowned Dip Queen at a party.

Pictured above is homemade, fresh from the garden, FREE, jalapeno jelly smeared over cream cheese.  So very simple, and so freaking amazing.  The sweet jelly with a hint of a peppery flavor, minus the spice, mixed with the creamy goodness of cream cheese.  Excuse me while I wipe the drool from my keyboard.

I was just introduced to this heavenly combination over the Fourth of July.  I am now hording jalapeno jelly.  I have two and a half jars left at my house and I have already put in my request for more.  (Hey Mom, I think I just gave you enough ideas to get you through two Christmases and 3 birthdays. GIVE ME JELLY!)

Now unfortunately for all my readers out there, I am stingy and not willing to share my jelly.  You will just have to take my word on how amazing it is.  If you were at the party and got to try it, well that was a weak moment and you should count your blessings.  And Traci, don’t bother trying to call my mom begging for your own.  I already warned her about you.

Mmm, jelly.  I think I know what I am having for lunch today!

Don’t mind my small rant today.  These are just some recent things that I have come across that I just don’t get.  Feel free to add your own or defend your love if it made the list. 

The Jonas Brothers.  Seriously?  I don’t get them.  I don’t get the “hot” appeal, I don’t get their music and I especially don’t get why they are considered talented.  Maybe I am just too old to get it.  I get Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus.  Even though I completely understand if you want to use the same argument for her as I used for the Jonas Brothers. 

Whips.  According to urbandictionary.com, Whips are cars that someone thinks will get them laid…… but wont.  This word was coined by people with so much money (a.k.a. drug dealers, mindless celebrities, rappers, ect. ect.) that it causes there brain to become pickled and thus come up with totally ignorant words and phrases to describe the simplest of things.  That about sums up my feelings.  Thank Urban Dictionary, you never disappoint.

Google Reader.  Now in Google’s defense, I have never tried Google Reader.  I just don’t get it.  Call me old school, but I prefer good old clicking on each and every blog I read.  I just think Google Reader makes it too easy to delete everything without actually reading a single blog post.  Plus, I like seeing the layout and design of other sites.  It gives me ideas.  Besides, I am not quite sure how it all works.  Do I have to have a gmail account?  Does the email have to go to the gmail account?  Can I add non-Blogger blogs to my reader?  Maybe one day I will cave and check it all out.  I might have to if I keep finding blogs I love!

The above goes for Twitter too.  Though, I have about caved and will probably join the dark side soon. 

Gossip Girl.  I really don’t get this one!  I didn’t watch it in the beginning, but finally with all the talk I caved and watched one episode.  I didn’t get it.  I love a good guilty pleasure, don’t get me wrong (hello!  I have watched both seasons of Rock of Love), but this show is just cheesy.  And stupid.  I didn’t like The O.C. either so maybe that is my problem.

“Recording an album.”  Why is that the latest and greatest thing to do in Hollywood these days?  How come everyone thinks they can sing?  Do celebrities get access to some secret club if they record an album?  Why can’t anyone be happy with the success they have?  Don’t go and ruin it with some lame album that just makes me hate you.  I am looking at you Scarlett Johansson and Vanesa Hudgens.  Don’t get me started on Paris Hilton.  Hilary Duff, you qualify for this too.  This complaint does not apply to actors/actresses who actually have talent and I love.  A.K.A., Zooey Deschanel.

Vegetarians who eat fish.  What is the difference?  Fish is meat right?  Fish is an animal right?  Why is beef and chicken bad, but fish ok?  Do you think fish are dumber than cows so it doesn’t matter?  I am pretty sure cows are stupid.  (No, offense Henry.)  If you don’t eat beef or chicken, why not just say that?  I don’t eat a lot of red meat, but I am not going around claiming to be a Chickatarians or a Sushitarian.  (Dude, how awesome would that be.  Sorry I only eat sushi.  Please plan to spend $40 on me every meal.)  If I have a Fishatarian reader, could you please explain it to me?  Why is fish the go to meat?

 Happy Friday everyone! 

Do you see a theme starting here?  I do.  Apparently Subway and I have some issues.

I decided to run out for lunch today and grab a quick sandwich.  I wanted to get back to my desk so I could do a little lunch hour reading.  Mr. Subway Sandwich maker had other plans for me.  The dude was on something.  Apparently something good.

After randomly starring off into space for a few seconds, he started the sandwich assembly.  Six inch turkey, on wheat, provolone cheese.  Toasted.  Things were moving along fine when the toaster dinged.  Again, the starring started.  At first I thought there was a hot chick in the restaurant that he was trying to check out.  It was pretty late in the lunch hour and most of the tables were empty.  I spotted no hot chicks.  My Subway manufacturer snapped back to reality and we continued the process.  Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, banana peppers and lite mayo.

Let me just stop for a second… have you tried banana peppers on sandwiches yet?  You totally should.  This is my new favorite thing.  I just started doing it, literally this week.  It adds a nice zing without being crazy hot.  Yum!

Anyway, back to the dude.  He finally finished constructing my sandwich when he took me captive.  The dude starting complaining about U2 on the radio.  Umm, ok.  Sorry?  What do you say to that?  I didn’t even realize U2 was on the radio until he pointed it out.  Mr. Subway Employee then felt the need to tell me (actually, I am not sure he was talking to me.  I was the only one around to listen, but he wasn’t really looking at me.) about how he hates it when people try to push religion on him.  I think this was in connection to his hate for U2, but I am not sure.  I was more focused on my warm toasty sub gripped tightly in his plastic-gloved hand.  Then the conversation turned back to U2.  Something about Bono and too many people listen to him… blah, blah, blah.  Finally, my friend snapped back and bagged my sandwich and rung it up.  I paid as quickly as possible and got the hell out of dodge.

Now that I look back on it, maybe it was all a tact to try and detain me until the police arrived.  I am The Subway Bandit after all.  I better stick to drive-thrus from now on.

Well it happened, it finally happened.  I guess it was bound to happen seeing as how I have been experimenting with new recipes and cooking techniques.  I finally made the worst. dinner. ever. 

It was bad.  Really, really bad.  About half way through the cooking process I knew it was not going to end well.  The look and smell of everything coming together was awful!  Black, slimy and smells like vinegar are three things that should not describe your dinner.

But of course, I couldn’t slave over a meal without trying it.  How would I ever know how bad it really was? 

I bravely took a bite, only to immediately gag.  I looked over at B and said, “Honey you try it.”

“Are you out of your mind?  You just gagged!”

Don’t worry, I still made him try it.  And he gagged too.  I wasn’t kidding when I said it was the worst meal ever.

I was trying to make a Japanese dish that included soba noodles and fresh vegetables with a glaze of miso, rice vinegar and soy sauce.  I went to five grocery stores to find soba noodles and miso!  I even ventured into the very scary Japanese grocery store.  I don’t even want to know what was in those unlabeled jars in the back of the refrigerator.

In case you are wondering what soba noodles are they thin noodles made from buckwheat.  Sounds normal right?  Maybe it was because I didn’t fully understand what I was buying, but soba noodles are gross.  I have seen plenty of recipes that use these and the noodles look normal.  They look like any normal variety of wheat pasta.  My noodles were black.  Black, slimy and funky smelling.

Let me just show you how bad this really went,

Oh yes, that’s right.  And no, this is not an April Fool’s Day joke.  This really happened. 

All is well in the Sagowitz kitchen now though.  It took a few days to get the smell out, but I am back to cooking mostly successful meals.  There was that one day where I poorly chose my chicken marinade, but that wasn’t my fault.  I blame Mrs. Dash.  B has gone back to trying mysterious meals without crying in the corner.  I am still allowed to venture away from Mac n’ Cheese with Pigs in a Blanket. 

Anyone want a giant package of soba noodles?  Only slightly used.

* I would like to dedicate this post to B.  He bravely drove to my work, picked up my cell phone and downloaded new software, all so I could post the lovely picture you see above.  Without him this day could have gone poorly.  I was already starting to pout and plotting ways to kill my cell phone.  Thanks B!

I fondue.  (If you could hear the accent I said that in and you remember The Tick, then you might laugh hysterically.)

For my birthday earlier this month, my mother sent me a Bed Bath and Beyond gift certificate.  I love BBB, almost as much as I love Target.  During the two hours that I drug B around the store, we stumbled upon a fondue pot.  Remember my fondue birthday dinner?  B and I have decided that we fondue. 

So last week, we had fondue for dinner.  It was so good!  We even found the recipe for The Melting Pot’s cheddar fondue. 

Shiny new kitchen gadget!  Yippee!

The veggies, apples and bread ready to go.  Chopping everything was the most time consuming part of the whole dinner!

Mmm, fondue.  I love, love, LOVE cheese.  I don’t know how I have lived so long without discovering fondue.

These guys love fondue also.  Well, they think they do.  They did enjoy all the fresh vegetables that mom dropped on the floor.

B was on dish duty.  It was surprisingly easy to clean.  At least I think it was.  I really don’t know, I wasn’t on dish duty.  Doesn’t B look cute when he is being domestic?

The only sad part of the whole night was not getting to finish my meal with chocolate peanut butter fondue.  Maybe next time!

It is a scientific fact that calories don’t count on your birthday.  I should know, I just proved it.  Despite the massive amount of calories consumed this weekend, I managed not to gain any weight!  I even went down half a pound.  Seriously, this is quite a feat, I feel like I ate my way through the weekend.

It all started here,

Oh my, what a pretty empty pot.  This looks interesting.  I wonder what will go in the pot?

Oh sweet baby Jesus.  They put cheese in the pot!  Heavenly melted cheese.  Mmm, and bread to dip with!  Carb out here I come.  What could be better than melted cheese?

Oh right.  Wine and cheese.  Why yes, I would like some cheese with my wine.  (Lame, I know.  You should expect nothing less.)

Well this is turning out to be a great birthday.  How wonderful!  Best evening out in a long time.  What?  We aren’t done?  But I am so full…

And my pants just popped and the button hit our waitress in the eye.  Not really, or maybe.  Sweet melted chocolate peanut butter goodness.  I think I will make you a diet staple.  I don’t care how fattening you are.  I ate you with strawberries.  That is kind of like a diet, right?

My new best friend,

If you have one of these near you, I highly recommend it.  B and I both thought it was the best dining experience we have both had.  Sure, it’s pricey, but I am worth it.  I mean, it is worth it!  This kind of makes me want to invest in a fondue pot.  You know, since it is part of my regular diet now.

I am kind of late posting this, but I just had to announce…  WE DID IT!  Our dinner challenge is complete!  Remember about two and a half weeks ago when I told you B and I weren’t going to eat out for two weeks?  Well we did it! 

It felt great to finally take some control of our eating habits.  Our wallet is bigger and our waistlines are smaller.  Just by giving up take out and restaurants I lost about seven pounds.  Pretty good jump start for the official diet I am now on.

You know what else I discovered?  I kind of like cooking!  And, I am not as bad at it as I thought.  I mean, I always knew I could cook to some degree, but now I have ventured past macaroni and cheese to a whole new world.  I make up recipes.  I season and spice to my heart’s delight.  Most of the items on my birthday list this year were kitchen supplies.  (Birthday in two days… I am just saying.)

So besides the two weeks of no restaurants, B and I have developed a new nightly routine.  We are still cooking dinner almost every night.  Besides our celebration at the end of the two weeks (one sushi dinner and one pizza splurge), we are still eating in.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Even when I didn’t plan a menu or go to the grocery store, I still managed to pull 3 days worth of meals out of thin air.  I am awesome, I know.

So here is where you come in.  If you have any healthy recipes, meal ideas or favorite snacks, tell me about them!  I am eventually going to run out of ideas and I need to stock pile something for a rainy day.  Thanks in advance.

And one more thing… GO ME!

Remember when I was drooling on my keyboard sharing with you my love of Nutty Bars?  These goodies are my favorite Little Debbie snack so I try to find ways to work them into everyday conversation.

Well, guess what?!?  These wonderful peanut butter and chocolate treats come in 100 calorie packs!  Basically all that means is that you get one bar instead of two, but still I am excited.  Can you tell I am a marketer’s dream!  “Slap a fancy label on it and charge $2 more, she will buy it!”

Now if I can just stop at one.  That is really the challenge.

Because I know everyone is going to go out and buy some of these, here is what to look for.

They look heavenly don’t they!  I may or may not have ripped into the box before remembering to take a picture.  I also may or may not have already polished of the entire box.