*Cue Amy Adams singing Enchanted-style.*
The question on my mind today. Well not really how do I know, but how did you know? Well not really that either, more like did you know? Hmm, that might now be right either. Stupid past tense, present tense, noun-verb agreement. Let me back up.
For those of you who are married or engaged or with “the one,” did you know whilst in the throws of romance that you were with the one you were going to marry? I assume if you are married, you eventually figured it out, but when? Did you know all along or did you wake up one day and think, hmm, maybe this is the real deal?
In the age of civil unions, ”roommates” and divorce, some people might argue that marriage has lost its value. I am not saying I am one of those people, nor am I here to judge. B and I lived together before we got married and for us it was the right thing. At that point we already knew were our relationship was headed and it just made sense. But for others, does it make it harder to find the one. Does knowing you can leave the other person if needed make it easier to commit?
I like to think I figured out the whole boys are dumb thing in junior high. I never really wasted time with a stupid boy from that point on. Sure, I still made mistakes and got my heart broken, but for the most part my post-puberity romances were worth the time. I didn’t date much in college because again, boys were stupid. I saw the drama and immaturity friends put up with and it was ridculous. Did they really think that guy was the one? (Again, not judging, I am sure most of my friends would look back and ask themselves the same question. The throws of romance can be dangerous!)
You know that tired phrase, when you find the one, you just know. Well I whole-heartedly subscribe to that theory. So what I am wondering is, who else out there “just knew.”
For B and I, our moment of knowing is kind of fuzzy. The line between friendship and romance is blurry for us, but I can pinpoint the exact weekend everything changed. One day we were just friends who saw no point in pursuing a relationship–nothing tragic or dramatic, simply wrong place, wrong time–and the next day we were in love and talking about the rest of our lives. Our relationship literally changed course in one weekend. I love you on Friday, stay in Oklahoma on Saturday and the talk of the future and forever by Sunday. I wasn’t kidding about the blurry line. It happened pretty fast. Looking back on the early days of our time together, I guess I always knew, or at least I was hoping what I knew was correct. But really for us, once those three little words were spoken, it was all over.
I guess until you have that gut feeling yourself, you could argue every little butterfly in your stomach was saying you found the one. I admit before B there was one guy I thought would be my happily ever after, but it didn’t take me long to figure out I was blind. When B came along I knew for sure. There was no doubt in my mind this time it was real.
So what I am asking is did you know all along that you were meant to be with your husband/significant other? Did it happen at a gradual, comfortable pace? Are you still trying to figure it out? Who else out there subscribes to the “you just know” theory?
Yes, boys are dumb, but we all know that.
Mike and I started dating in high school and knew pretty quickly that we were going to be stuck with each other forever. I’m not sure how you know when you’ve found the one, but it just feels right, like you can be yourself without any of the masks you may put on for others. After ten years, I still feel confident that Mike is the one.
Our story is a little different from yours because we were so young when we first met. And when we started seriously dating I was a junior in high school. And when you are that young it is hard to know what is true and what is just hormones. Whenever I moved away to college and was driving home every weekend to be with him I realized that this was it, I was with the man I wanted to marry.
Though I must say that a lot of it has to be a conscious decision that you really are going to work at the relationship and keep it number one. Because you can have a connection with someone but if one of you isn’t willing to commit then it’s not going to work.
Sometimes “the one” is the right one for the moment but not for always. I knew that my husband was “the one” pretty quickly because when I was with him I felt I was home. I guess I just wasn’t “the one” for him because it ended in divorce 7 years later.
Megan you had that twitter-pated look from the moment you first saw B……….I remember!!!!!!!
I met my husband my first semester of my freshman year in high school. He started dating my housemate. They broke up at the end of that semester (not my doing!) and we started being friends early the next semester. Within a couple of weeks we were dating and about a month after that we had our wedding date set. We married three years later, had a baby two years after that and lived happily ever after! OK, we’ve only been married for 2.5 years but we knew from the beginnig that we were meant for each other. Marriage is hard sometimes but we both love each other enough to make it work and to keep us happy!
oops, I mean freshman year of college!
Boys aren’t dumb!!!! we just have hormones. That is all.
Yes B, boys are dumb. Men are different.
Dani, I like your input. Interesting to hear from someone who found the one and it didn’t work out.
And just to clarify, this is just me musing. Nearly all of my friends are married now and I was just wondering if everyone had that gut feeling I had. B and I are seriously, ridiculously happy. I am not hinting at anything.
I think the gut feeling was there for Brian and I because I had just come out of a long-term relationship that I felt stuck in (like “I guess this is it, but I don’t see what all the fuss is about”), so I was able to immediately see the difference!
I remember going to lunch with you and your mom, Megan, and you were telling me about your “friend” Brad that you really liked a lot. Your mom was not quite so crazy about the idea though and she kept telling you not to talk about him anymore. I’m glad she came around! I could tell you really liked him, so I wasn’t surprised when you ended up together.
Oh yeah, my parents were both slow to come around. All they heard was I was changing my plans for some guy who was 12 years older. Once they met him they came around as quickly as I did. In fact, the first time I brought him home for a weekend, my dad said Brad was the one. Pretty big coming from my dad!
Spouse is my brothers best friend and we have known each other for over 20 years. We started dating and all of a sudden I started thinking about marriage and babies (which in my rock and roll life style had never even crossed my mind before). That is how I knew.
He was the only person I had ever dated that I saw an actual future with.
For him I think it was the big boobs.
Just saying.