Two complaints today.  I am still sick and my stomach hates me.

Remember when I said I was feeling much better.  I totally lied.  Well, not really lied, just spoke to soon.  My sinuses/allergies gave my head a break and moved into my chest.  Coughing takes the life out of me, but without coughing I feel like I have 50 pounds sitting on my chest.  Can I go back to bed?  No, of course not.  I am saving all my leave for new house related activities and besides, I have a May 2nd deadline haunting me.  Have a written any of the seven stories?  No, of course not.  Seriously, can I go back to bed?

And while I am complaining (hey, you were warned!), what the h-e-double hockey sticks is wrong with my stomach?  For the past week and randomly a few times before that, my stomach has felt like it is filled with air.  Several times throughout the day, my stomach makes this loud rumble.  Sometimes it sounds like a low note on a base guitar, sometimes it’s just your average rumbling stomach and sometimes, the most embarrassing one, it sounds like a fart.  Yep, that’s not embarrassing.  Not that I sit in a cubical all day where anyone can hear me.  It is not a fart!  I promise. 

Yesterday I was leaving a meeting when my stomach made a long, low, but still audible rumble.  What do I say?  Do I ignore it, do I acknowledge the noise?  Do I scream, “It’s not a fart”?  More importantly, how do I make it stop?  It doesn’t matter if my stomach is full, empty or just right.  The noise happens.  It is happening right now and I just ate breakfast.  I am not hungry.  I do not have to go to the bathroom.  Someone help me!  Everything else about my bathroom and eating habits remains the same.  What in the world is going on?

P.S.  I am totally proud of my title today.  Ha!  I crack myself up sometimes.
P.P.S.  My mom will probably tell me fart isn’t a word ladies say.  Sorry mom, toot just didn’t feel right and passing wind was pretentious.